Why did you write this book?
The book grew out of my own struggle trying to work out life as a 20-something. As lots of my school friends turned 25, they talked about having a “quarter-life crisis”. They found themselves looking at where they’d got to so far in life and asking, “Where is this going? Is this it?” Hence the title of the book! As I talked to friends from church, and approached my own 25th birthday, I found that Christians were not immune to these feelings either. Yet Jesus offers us something bigger and better to live for. That’s why I wanted to write a book for Christians in their 20s and early 30s. There is a lot of secular advice out there on navigating “adulting”, but little from a perspective of faith. The book is an attempt to apply God’s timeless wisdom to the particular challenges of a specific stage of life.
So what exactly is the “quarter life crisis”?
You’ve probably heard of the “mid-life crisis”. The “quarter-life crisis” describes a phenomenon experienced by lots of young adults in their 20s or early 30s (the networking website LinkedIn found that 75% of us report having one). It’s got nothing to do with buying an expensive sports car though! Instead, it’s a general feeling of dissatisfaction, dislocation and anxiety about your life and where it’s going – whether that’s in the areas of work, relationships or finances.
What’s the biggest difference about being a 20-something at the moment compared to before?
In some ways, the “quarter-life crisis” is a new phrase to describe an old phenomenon. Your 20s have always been about transitioning into adulthood and figuring out who you are in your own right. But some challenges particular to today’s generation mean that these feelings of uncertainty and unhappiness are arguably bigger than ever.
Some of it is to do with external factors. For one thing, the traditional milestones – those social “markers” and responsibilities that establish you as an adult in your own right – are becoming harder and taking longer to reach. Young people are getting married and having children later. Home ownership is increasingly unattainable for many in their 20s. In the five years since I graduated, I’m not unusual in having lived in five different rented houses with more than 15 different housemates. These frequent transitions can be unsettling.
Another difference is to do with expectations. Our generation were raised with an expectation that we should be, and can be, happy, prosperous and successful – that we can be whoever we want to be, and make a difference to the world. So when we find ourselves in a boring job, or even a normal job, we wonder whether something’s gone wrong. Add to that social media, which leads us to compare other people’s carefully curated online persona with our own underwhelming reality, and you’ve got a combination of factors that lead to the quarter-life crisis.
How can churches/parents better support their millennial congregants/children?
I think many people find themselves “parenting” their grown-up child for a lot longer than they expected! I would just encourage you to be patient. It means the world to me to have supportive parents who are on the other end of the phone with advice on everything from car maintenance to major life decisions. But they live 250 miles away, so there’s only so much they can do – and that’s where my church family come in. So many young adults feel rootless and lonely. Yet both roots and relationships can, and should, be found in the church. Millennials need godly older Christians who love us, listen to us, and then speak into our lives with wisdom. So invite us to be a genuine part of your family, especially if we’re feeling far from our own family or find ourselves single for longer than we anticipated. Help us find ways to serve, because the way we’ll take our eyes off ourselves is by looking out for the good of others.
What’s your key piece of advice for a struggling millennial?
Keep your eyes fixed on the future – not where you’ll be in five or 50 years’ time, but where you’ll be in 500 years’ time. God has promised his people an eternity that is both wonderful and certain. If I really grasped that – in my head and my heart – then I’d feel less worried about how the next few decades will pan out. “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all” (2 Corinthians 4:17).
Together Magazine
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