I confess I feel very nervous about writing so openly at a time when social media makes it all too easy for others to pass judgement. As I’ve said in the book, some might perceive it to have an element of victimhood, whereby I’m asking for pity; others that I’m trying to put myself across as a saint. The point is that in an era when mental health problems are rife, I feel passionate about sharing the lessons I’ve learned, in the hope that they will help others.
What do you remember of your childhood when you were living with an undiagnosed condition?
I would hate anyone to think badly of my parents. As I learned, decades later, they were merely reacting to what they had been told – that I was a ‘naughty girl and should be left to cry.’ But yes, that dream haunted me for years, because being left to cry made me feel unloved and unlovable. As did the injunction to ‘eat more greens and take more exercise’, because the implication was that my pain was my fault. I can only assume that my medical condition went undiagnosed because of where and when I was born, but the impact it made on me was quite damning.
By contrast, one of the most heart-warming stories was where you received a gift wrapped in greaseproof paper inside your birthday cake – looking back, what do you think God was saying to you?
Evidence shows poor growth to be a possible consequence of my condition. As a result, I was teased about my body shape, and I grew up believing myself to be ugly. However, on my thirteenth birthday, my mother threw a fancy dress party for me and made me a cake. I was devastated when I cut into it and found a soggy piece of greaseproof paper inside. My mother urged me to look inside it and, when I did so, I found the gift of a beautiful, delicate cross and chain. Only later did I realise that what God was telling me was that outward appearance matters little. It’s the sort of person you are inside that’s important.
Just when life is beginning to go well for you, you receive the devastating news of your daughter’s death – how on earth did you cope and rebuild your life afterwards?
As a result of our fragmented family, my middle daughter sought kinship in the form of a local gang and, eventually, became a drug addict. Begging for our help, over the next thirteen years she detoxed on three occasions but, with nothing else to fill her life, she returned to her old ‘friends’ and became addicted again. When she was eventually successful and remained drug-free for five years, I knew it to be an answer to prayer.
During that time she put herself through college, settled down and had a baby. Then one day, as a result of a morphine tablet being dropped into her drink at a BBQ, she vomited, asphyxiated, and died. I was heartbroken. But when a new Christian asked me how I could believe in a God of love when he’d allowed this to happen, I had a revelation from the Holy Spirit. Evidence revealed that there were those who were trying to get her back onto drugs so she would become a supplier. Had they been successful, it would, I said, have been hell on earth. God, I knew, had taken her to be with him rather than allow this to happen.
How do you think Picked For a Purpose can bring real hope to those suffering the terrible hardships that you’ve been through?
Throughout my life God has shown me – again and again – that we are ALL precious beyond measure. In his hands, our weaknesses become his strengths. Like a gardener, he has sown seeds in our lives, tended their growth with tenderness and mercy, watched over us as we put down roots and borne leaves of belief. With his tender care, our hardships become the manure that help us to flourish. He has thus delighted in the way we’ve bloomed, and he has brought forth the fruit we’ve borne so that we might bring nourishment to others.
Mel Menzies is an accomplished author and conference speaker. She regularly participates in TV and Radio chat shows along with leading Family Forums, Marriage Enrichment and Writers’ Workshops.